Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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