She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
