I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
