It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
