Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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