Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
