No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just found puke in my bra..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
