I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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