: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
