She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
