i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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