every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
