I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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