So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
