dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
