First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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