Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
