Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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