We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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