Don't make out with my wife yet
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
