we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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