It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
