I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
