Umm I'm too high to move.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
