I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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