Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
