I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize