we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
