She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
