the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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