Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
