You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
