I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
