what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
