Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
