so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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