Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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