its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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