Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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