Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
