My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
