He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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