It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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