She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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