Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
