he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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