just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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