I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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