I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
