so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
