This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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