i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
