thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
