apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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