I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
