I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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