Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
