apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
