Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
