is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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