my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
