how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
