She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
