worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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