so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
