i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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