my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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